You're Next!

 I just had to share this funny picture.  Each time I look at it, it still makes me giggle a little.  Putting a spin on this, I'd like to talk about judgements we make on others.  It's always easy to judge someone else when you
are not or have never been in their position.  But just you wait, because someday you might be and you will soon be switching places from the judger to the judged.

This is a lesson I learned when I was a single mom.  There were many who freely placed their judgements on me, not knowing the whole situation.  And many of them had no idea what it was like to be a single mom. 

The basic run-down of my situation was: I had divorced my husband while pregnant with our 4th child.  He left the scene and had nothing to do with the kids (by his choice).  It was about a year and a half before I saw any child support.  Durring that time I had moved into a rental house 4 hours away to be closer to my family.  The rental house was then sold and only 3 months after moving in I was moving out, and only a month after having my baby.  Luckily I found another rental in a great area with great neighbors (which was such a blessing!).  Meanwhile in order to support my kids I had only a little bit of my share of the equity from selling the house my ex and I owned.  So needless to say we were on food stamps, and participated in the WIC and Medicaid programs. I was able to get my certification in RET and earn some money doing sessions with clients.  I was also incredibly blessed to have a teaching job fall into my lap and was teaching sign language to high school students part time and making as much as a full time job.  Then I also worked with the Southern Utah Mobile Crisis Team as their dispatcher 24/7 (carried the cell phone with me) at first, then took on other responsiblities with the crisis team such as educational coordinator, director's assistant, and trainer for UCASA (Utah Coalition Against Sexual Assault) and UDVC (Utah Domestic Violence Coalition).

So lets just say I was a busy woman!! Working the 3 jobs, raising 4 kids (my oldest was 6 at the time) and trying to maintain my house and sanity alone.  I did whatever it took to make ends meet and provide for my kids.  Some months we didn't have much extra but we were at least surviving and I was getting out of debt left to me from before my divorce.  Oh, and just happened to lose about 80 lbs in the process. (which I found later while going through the emotions of the loss of family members)  I had to find daycare for my kids for the first time in their life.  After going through 3 different people (some ok, some horrible) I finally found an Angel that was my saving grace as far as daycare goes.  Meanwhile, the family I had moved to be closer to had their own lives and it soon became an imposition to ask for any help watching the kids.  My sweet sister in law Wendy was killed in a car accident and the unconditional support I had from her was gone.  Although my brother- bless his heart was always willing to help, he was also dealing with his own issues and loss.  (he died 2 years later)

Now that you have some of the picture let me share some of the judgements placed on me at this time....  There were some who critisized me for being on food stamps, WIC, or Medicaid.  Although without those I wouldn't have been able to feed or take care of my kid's medical needs at times.   It was the support of my sweet sister in law Wendy that got me through the guilt placed on me by others over this issue.  She told me, or more like stirnly lechured me that those programs were designed for a purpose, that purpose was to help those in situations just like mine at the time and I should not let anyone make me feel guilty for needing help when it was truly needed.  She then proceeded to tell those judging me over this issue how wrong they were and where they could put their judgements. (I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when she did) Ahhhhhhh that kind of support was just what I needed!  It lifted so much weight off my shoulders at the time.

Then there were those who judged my parenting.  As a single mom of 4 young kids at the time I couldn't always do all that I wanted to do with both dicipline and time spent with the kids.  I tried to have fun time with them every chance I could.  There were times I would make time to go out for some adult time (usually one night a week IF I could afford a sitter- which wasn't as often as some thought) and knowing I eventually wanted to get married again I felt it was important for me to have adult time- going on dates, or to dances to meet people etc. 

Some judged my house and called it dirty- or worse.  I even had someone call DCFS on me claiming that my house was "dangerous and unsanitary".  Little did the caller know that at the time I worked with DCFS through the crisis team and was on a board that met every other week with them.  So I knew personally all the caseworkers, and when the info came in they just laughed and told me it was "one of those busy-body type calls".  They still did their job and came to my house to verify things just in case, so don't fret, they still did their job.  Ironically I had been to a lot of different houses at the time because of my work with the crisis team and let me tell you I have seen it all!!  And placing my house in the mix it was in no way close to the disaster or even average disaster of some of the homes I saw.  But I'll admit, being that I was stretched so thin in every direction things didn't get as much attention, cleaning and organizing as I would have liked.  Eventually I got an awesome day care woman Jenny, who was an angel!! And I paid her a little extra to clean my house while she watched the kids.  That helped things so much, she'll never fully know how much I appreciated her.

And finally, some judged how I spent my money.  I remember when I purchased a all in one car charger/air compresser etc. for $50 someone told me what a waste of money it was and I was being irresponsible.  It had paid for itself 4 times over within 3 months as the van I was driving had a bad battery and kept dying.  But some just didn't understand how sometimes little luxeries here and there were needed.

Years later I am now in a much better situation.  Married to a wonderful man, no longer on any government assistance, once again a stay-at-home mom, and able to keep up with the things that need to be done.  After living through my experience it has helped me to be less judgemental of others going through those situations.  And karma has come around to some of those that judged me and placed them in similar situations.  Not that I'm happy about it, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  But at least now they have my support and can learn for themselves what it was like to be judged.  That's kind of how life works right?  We judge others until we can understand what it's like to be in their shoes and then we support others going through the same thing(hopefully).

"Judge not, lest ye be judged"  kind of brings a new light to that quote doesn't it?  I guess my point is, it's always funny until you're next!  It's probably not wise to judge others for you may be in their same situation one day.  Instead, be the kind of friend/family member you would want if you were in that situation.